Christmas Eve is a sacred time for most families – especially ours. The McCormick family usually spends it by going to Mass around 5 PM and then having the Gunnoe’s over to my parent’s house around 7. We usually gorge on 873 pounds of food, have a few drinks and exchange some often hilarious white elephant gifts. It is a glorious time honored tradition (like Justin eating a whole loaf of pumpkin bread by himself every year!) and it is usually one of our best days of the year. One of our favorite things to do every Christmas Eve is watch "A Christmas Story." For the two people in the world who have not seen this 1983 movie, it is about a young boy (Ralphie) and his quest for a Red Ryder BB gun. Many consider it one of the best “Christmas” movies ever and it is shown for 24 hours on TBS.
One of the best scenes revolves around Ralphie's friends Flick and Schwartz debating whether a person's tongue will actually stick to a frozen flagpole. Schwartz ultimately issues Flick a "triple dog dare" and shames Flick into answering their question. Flick's tongue subsequently gets stuck to the pole. Again, this is hilarious family fun that means “Christmas” to the McCormick’s!
One cold day when I was 13 and Brian 8, we brought "A Christmas Story" to 933 Lawnwood Avenue! As many of you know, my parent’s house has wrought iron railings around the front steps. After discussing "A Christmas Story," I told Brian that this was a “movie trick” and there was “no way” someone could get their tongue stuck on a pole. I told him “go ahead and stick your tongue on the railings. You’ll see.” Brian then walked with quite determination to the railings outside. He waited a second and proceeded to stick his tongue on the cold, iron railing. It was just like the movie. Brian at first thought it did not stick, and like Flick, become rapidly terrified as he realized his tongue was now stuck to the railing! He began screaming and asking for “Helff! Hellf! ” I, of course, laughed and thought this was quite funny. I even went inside and shut the door. As I walked in my Dad said “where’s your brother?” I told him “he's outside and his tongue is stuck on the railing.” He said “what?” in a startled/surprised manner and ran to the door. Brian was squirming on the railing like Flick and wildly flailing his arms. My Dad said “wait right here while I go get some hot water” (Where was he going to go?) I continued to laugh like a big brother should. As my Dad passed me by I realized the most appropriate way to fix this situation – and Brian. I proceed to give Brian a swift and forceful kick in the ass which caused him to move rapidly to his left. His tongue immediately (and my guess painfully) popped off the railing. For some reason he was NOT happy!
My Dad finally came back with the water. He saw Brian’s tongue was off the railing and asked “what the hell happened?” Brian mumbled (while holding his tongue with his fingers) “Matt kicked me off.” My Dad was not pleased and said “why did you do this? Didn’t you know this would happen?” I said “Dad, how did I know he would be that stupid?” It was one of the few times in my Dad’s life that I stunned him into silence. He thought for a few seconds, smiled and said “yeah, I guess I could see your point.” Brian wanted my persecuted for war crimes, but I was never really punished. For some reason, Brian really did not like this story being told too often. But, much later, even he thought it was quite funny.
Brian would love sitting on my parent’s couch and watch this movie. Brian would be surrounded by family and have a drink in one hand, “barf dip” in the other. He would say “now it is really Christmas.” I always think about Brian when “A Christmas Story” is mentioned or appears on TV. It is a great movie whose scenes are now fond Christmas memories for many. I also can’t help to laugh and remember when Brian and I reenacted one of the movie’s best scenes. I just wish I could watch Brian’s reaction one more time as I embarrass him once againb in front of all our family by retelling our “Christmas Story.”Love and miss you always Brian.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Don’t poke your eye out!
