Brian's Testicular Cancer Scare

I don’t know if this was Brian’s favorite story to tell to everyone, or if it was just his favorite story to tell to me because he knew I enjoyed it so much and laughed so hard every time, but regardless, it’s a good story that hit the funny bone of everyone who heard it.

A year or two after we graduated from X, Brian was well on his way to traveling the world for work and maintaining an, at times, crazy schedule. And as we know, Brian was also leading an active social life as well with dates, getting together with friends, etc. I don’t remember if Brian had come in late the night before from a trip or was out late that night with friends but he got home really late and had to be in Chicago the next day for meetings and had a flight out of Dayton in the morning.

True to Brian’s form, he cut it close on time and was rushing to get ready in the morning grabbing random clothes in the mostly dark room, including socks that were strewn on the floor.

He made it to the Dayton airport in time and was in the restroom before his flight when he thinks that he feels a lump in his testicle. I always asked Brian was he was doing giving himself “an examination” at the urinal at the airport bathroom and he never was able to give a good answer. Brian always thought something was wrong with him, always thought he was sick, or had cancer, or some rare disease and this was no different. He was sure that he had testicular cancer and grabbed his bags and left the airport, missing his flight, to head to the doctor to get checked out right away, leaving all common sense aside.

He gets to the doctor and the doctor doesn’t think that there is anything there but tells Brian that an X-ray will be done to but his mind at ease. Brian gets sent to the X-ray room where he is instructed to change his clothes and put on one of those crappy gowns they give you that tie in the back. At this point, Brian realizes that getting ready in the dark was a bad idea when he sees that the socks he grabbed from the floor are one purple sock and one orange sock. That’s not a typo. Not black, not brown, but purple and orange.

Brian decides to leave the socks on and shuffles out to the X-ray room where an older Asian woman greets him with a smirk after seeing his socks. Brian had a good laugh and got up on the table. She tells him that he has to lay on the table and she’s going to have to pull his gown up to do the X-rays. Brian is not comfortable. At various points of the X-rays, this lady has to tape his “member” to his stomach to get it out of the way and tape his “coin purse” to X-ray cartridge. Brian is really not comfortable. After this embarrassing episode is over and the lady undoes the tape and pulls down the gown Brian looks at this older Asian woman and asks, “Do I need to buy you dinner after that?”. There was nothing wrong with Brian as usual.

Classic Brian. I don’t believe she accepted his dinner offer but at least he was a gentleman and offered, right?

I miss you Brian and think of you often. Keep looking down on all of us.