Two years

“The new normal” began for us two years ago today. It still does not seem real. Yet, it is. This terrible day is like reliving an accident. Time seems to slow down to milliseconds. Everything in replayed via quick flashes and certain detailed memories. Feelings, thoughts, and actions stand out. Reliving that day is like a scary movie that is all too real. Many times I wanted to say “Please God, make this stop. Bring him back! Please hit the ‘reset’ button.” Unfortunately we can’t change time and magically bring Brian back. However, we have learned to live without his physical presence these last two years.

The only way I get through tough days like today is to “bring Brian back” via some great memories of him. As I told my Dad last night, I know we will all think about this day two years ago and shed a tear. We will go through our rituals, pray for him, and think of “what could have been?” Brian does not want us to focus on things that cannot be changed and the associated negative energy. He would want us to remember him at his happiest, when he was laughing so hard he cried, when he hummed while eating the most expensive thing on the menu - and of course - whenever Xavier beats UD (which is often)!

Somebody once said “the worst sin is to be boring.” Brian was a sinner.  But, he was never boring!  He was such a part of our lives and influenced everyone he met. Brian wanted to be different, had tremendous energy, and everyone that met him instantly knew there was only one Brian McCormick in the world. They never, ever, forgot him!

So, how shall we remember Brian today? What comes into your mind when you think of him? I bet it is his smile. How deeply he loved his family, friends, and Xavier. Or, something he did that was so incredibly stupid, ballsy, or hilarious that you burst out loud laughing! Laugh with Brian today. Smile for him and tell those you love why you love them. Pull a prank on someone. Tell a “Brian story” to a friend who needs a laugh. Be Brian today and everyday (well maybe not every day, because many of us have to work)! Whatever you do, do not be boring!

The one good thing to come from Brian’s death has been the tremendous outpouring of love and support from our friends and family. Thank you! It is humbling and more than we ever expected. We have also tried to focus mainly on “what is truly important?” Family and friends always win!

Brian’s love of his family was well known. Most of the time, Brian used humor to “demonstrate his love.” Brian loved to make our Mom laugh. For Mother’s Day, he went to the Hallmark Card store at Towne & Country shopping center in the mid ‘90’s. He ask the 80 year old clerk to help him make a “do it yourself” Mother’s Day card. She asked him “what message do you want inside the card?” Brian thought a moment and started speaking slowly. He said “Mom, I know sometimes we do not always see eye to eye.” The 80 year old started typing and repeated his first phrase. Brian continued; “However, I know our love is strong and your support of me has been amazing.” The clerk looked down, typed, and mumbled “…support of me has been amazing.” Then, Brian finished the card’s message by speaking the following very deliberately; “Especially since I have decided to become a woman.” The 80 year old stopped typing. Slowly looked up at him and was stone faced. Brian waited a moment and did not crack a smile. He then said; “oh yeah, put ‘love Brian’ on there as well.” We howled with laughter when he gave the card to our Mom and told how the card was made. She loved it as well. Man, he loved to make us all laugh.

On a different note, I asked Patrick a few weeks ago about what he remembered about his Uncle Brian. Patrick thought a moment, looked a little sad, and said: “Uncle Brian was the best hugger ever.”

That’s how I will remember Brian today. The funniest person I know and “the best hugger ever.”

I know he would love making you laugh today. Brian would also give you a great big hug. Let him.

Love and miss you Brian!