An Apology Poem for my friend Craig L. Hammon - by Brian D. McCormick of the Back Street BOYZ

Backstory: I was dating this girl Angela (1999?) and we invited Brian and Micah "Fletch" Javier over to her place for drinks and laughs on a Saturday night sometime in October. On her doorstep sat several seasonal gourds and pumpkins and as Brian and Micah left they drunkingly decided to throw all the gords down the street, thus infuriating Angela and I got an earful for days. So Brian wrote me an apology poem which I came across today in an old folder so here we go, a taste of the clever wit and genius that was Brian D. McCormick:

An Apology Poem for my friend Craig L. Hammon - by Brian D. McCormick of the Back Street BOYZ

I am sorry
I am sorry for the loss
I am sorry for the loss because of my toss
I am sorry because Angela became so cross
at my best friend Craig, not the former VP Alexander Haig

I am wrong
Not because of the bong
or because of the band Prong
but I am wrong and that is why I write this song

I feel bad
really bad
because Craig yelled at me like my Dad
He told me Angela was hurt
Not fatal like my Nirvana brother, Kurt

Not my friend Kurt is Dead
shot himself after opening for Right Said Fred
The fateful night when the gourds were of toss
We really didn't mean to piss off, Angela, the boss

A lot of blame should be on my dear friend Fletcher
But he got the idea from that crazy sneaker ad by Sketcher
I am the one though that understands the story
Actions pile on actions just ask Mike Poiry

If I knew she would get that mad
I wouldn't have started the motion
But after two bottles of champagne
My brain didn't think about this notion
We are all older now, wise, witty, and sage
We don't need to behave like we belong in a cage

I hop we can get through this rough little patch
I totally understand if Angela won't help me get any snatch
We wish our may, we wish our might
I didn't really mean to cause a big fight

I hope you read this poem
Notions from my heart they have poured
I walso want to apologize for Micah, since he threw the first gourd
I am no hiding my little bit of guilt
But getting past negativity is how a deeper friendship is built.

Chinese Tourists

Brian was the principal photographer during our trip to Iceland and you know he couldn't refuse snapping this pic of Chinese tourists photographing each other.

WOW! What a great start to Brian's legacy!

Please read the amazing thank you notes from this semester's recipients of the “Brian McCormick Memorial Fund” below. Brian always wanted to find a way to thank Xavier and give back. Thanks to Brian’s dream, these Xavier students now have another shot (as one said) at “fulfilling their dreams.” What a powerful legacy and demonstration of how God works in mysterious ways! Maybe that was his plan after all?

Dear Mr. McCormick:

My name is ____ ____ and I am a sophomore at Xavier. I’m writing to you to thank you for what you are doing on behalf of your brother. Though I never knew your brother, nor do I know you now, you both have made an impact on my life. I grew up and went to high school in (the northwest) and decided that Xavier would be a nice change from everything I had grown up with. The problem, however, was that funding such a change wouldn’t be easy as my parents have their own financial obligations and are only able to contribute a certain amount each year. Through your commitment to honoring your brother’s name, you have helped me fulfill my dream and for that I am grateful. I hope to someday be able to help others the way you and your brother have helped me.

Sincerely,

Name withheld

Dear Mr. McCormick:

I want to sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for the opportunity to stay at Xavier University for the last semester of my junior year. Without receiving $500 from your fund, I would have been financially unable to attend school this semester. As a student of divorced parents with low income (below the poverty line) I am forever grateful for the money received from this fund. Thank you again forever and always. Words cannot describe how thankful I am.

Sincerely,

Name withheld

Chemistry major
Pre-med minor

Dear McCormick Family:

I am writing to thank you for your and your family’s charitable gift to Xavier University. I am really privileged to be the recipient of the Brian D. McCormick Memorial Scholarship for this semester. I’m now in my senior year at Xavier University majoring in Biology under the pre-med track. I have been active in many clubs, intramural sports and community service. My parents and I cannot thank you enough for making my scholarship possible. Were it not for the kindness of individuals like you, many students would be unable to receive the excellent education that Xavier University offers us. After graduating from Xavier University, I plan to attend medical school, aiming at becoming a pediatrician or cardiologist. I am very appreciative to receive your scholarship. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Name withheld

Dear Mr. McCormick:

I just wanted to thank you for the Brian McCormick trust fund. Mr. Schiess was able to award me $600 from the fund. Without this money, I would not have been able to register for classes for next semester.

Thanks again,

Name withheld

Dear McCormick Family:

My name is ____ _____. I am a student at Xavier University. I would like to thank you for the $600 awarded to me out of Brian’s account. I greatly appreciate this. It has helped me to continue my education at Xavier University. I will remember your son and your family for all of your generosity.

Thank you.

Name withheld

May God Bless all of them!

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams.

Here's a great pic of Brian in Iceland enjoying a nice glass of champagne after watching a fashion show in the high-end shopping street of Reykajavik. (Yes, we were the two creepy Americans staring at the young models and binging on free booze.)

The Claddagh Ring

Susan and I gave Brian a Claddagh ring when he was our best man. It is an Irish ring that symbolizes love, friendship, and loyalty. Brian wore it always and said it was his “most prized possession.” After April ninth, I began wearing his ring. It was a little bit large on me and I kept putting off getting it resized.

Almost a year ago to today, we went to Patrick’s soccer game in Springdale. I looked at my finger around half time and was immediately hit with a wave of sickening dread for Brian’s ring was no longer on my finger. I frantically retraced my steps. Everyone near me pitched in and looked. I went back and forth to every single spot hoping the ring would magically reappear. My dad and I even went to Radio Shack and bought the last metal detector in Cincinnati. I could not find it and gave up after several hours. I felt terrible and was furious at myself.

I prayed for Brian’s help at church the next day. Unfortunately, I still could not find it after searching again. As many of you know, Susan and Brian had a great relationship. Brian called Susan his sister and loved her dearly. They also had an “alliance.” This alliance was against me! Susan also has slightly more patience than I. Susan asked if she could look for the ring. I said sure and hoped she would be successful.

Susan went to the park and searched and searched. She was not using the metal detector and kept saying “c’mon Brian, c’mon Brian.” After about 45 minutes of retracing my steps she was talking with our good friend and neighbor Jenny on the phone. She was close to giving up. Then, suddenly, she saw a slight metallic glimmer out of the corner of her eye. Susan could not believe her luck when she bent down and found Brian’s ring in a patch of grass four inches deep! We had all checked this spot many, many times but always missed it. Susan screamed with joy into the phone and repeatedly yelled “I found it! I found it! I found it!” Some guy near the park yelled at her to “shut up” but she did not care!

Susan found the quarter sized ring – without a metal detector – in a grassy four acre field that badly needed mowed. What are the odds? Talk about finding a needle in a haystack! I was stunned speechless when I saw the ring and cried with joy when Susan told me how she found Brian’s Claddagh. Needless to say, the ring got resized the next day and I have proudly worn it since.

We are convinced Brian helped Susan find the ring. Thank you Brian!

Love, friendship, and loyalty, indeed.

XU Senior Ball 1997

Brian's big Irish melon was a steel trap for all information, some of it useful, some not so much, but he remembered everything. For instance he could tell you exactly what was happening in this picture from our XU Senior Ball down to the time of the night the picture was taken, who took the picture, what music was playing in the background, and even what cheap beer we were drinking upon. He could even tell you why Johnny Kinsella's tux was purple.

Whenever I had trouble remembering something I'd call Brian and he could spit it out within seconds. Miss you bro.

One year and "rolling thunder"

April 9, 2008 was the worst day of my life. We found Brian and our lives changed forever.

One year later the grief is slightly in check. However, it is still able to overwhelm me for the oddest reasons.

One year does not change the hurt, disbelief, and unanswered questions.

One year marks many milestones missed and only confirms that “Brian should be here.”

One year shows us how much we have changed and yet Brian does not.

The pain of April 9, 2008 does not magically disappear 365 days later. It is always there. Occasionally, the pain goes away for a fleeting instant. Then, reality cruelly reminds us that Brian’s death was not a terrible dream and forces us to wear the heavy harness of grief while others go about their day.

I think about Brian constantly as I go about my day. I also feel him around me all the time. I have told friends I have an idea what veteran’s frequently call “phantom limb syndrome.” It is like I lost an arm, but my brain feels like it is still there. That is how I view Brian now. He is with me and I can feel him close to me. I just can’t see him. I also know Brian likes his new Jedi powers and has fun hiding my keys!

Our family friend Adam, Joan, and Kerry Mac Vay said these wonderful words about Brian: “Brian did not exist, he lived. He was like a bolt of lightning that lit up the darkness for a short, brilliant burst of colorful light. Yet his thunder still rolls on in our hearts.”

We loved that beautiful description. Some of our Mom’s wonderful friend’s had those appropriate words placed on a plaque honoring Brian. It is under a tree near Lincoln Park in Kettering where Brian once lived.

Brian experienced more things and impacted more people in his 33 short years than most will do in 80. There is no doubt that Brian lived and he will always roll on in our hearts.

Miss you Bro.

A birthday gift I will always remember

Today is my birthday. I am 39. Birthdays naturally make you review your past and look forward to the future with hope. A year ago about 20 people were at our house watching Xavier lose to UCLA. The game was not great but everyone enjoyed the food and drink. Brian was with us and he wore the yellow cashmere sweater he had on during the victory against West Virginia (Brian for some reason wore it to honor/make fun of Bob Huggins and his terrible yellow suit) because it had “good mojo” and brought victories. Brian was telling stories and having fun. I feel bad because I told him “shut the hell up and watch the game!” He also brought food from Andy’s Mediterranean Grill and was humming while eating it. He was having fun even though our Muskies were not. Towards the end of the game he and I were talking by the sink. Brian was right next to our coffee maker near our island and was, again, eating. I was a few feet away from him and all of a sudden he remembered it was my birthday. Brian – while chewing his food – said “hey I got your birthday present“ and pulled out his wallet. I told him “put it away” and “don’t worry about it.” I still remember the look on Brian’s face. It was part surprise, hurt, and determination all rolled into one. Finally, he smiled and insisted I take his $100. Then, he said “come here." He hugged me real hard and said “you are my brother and I will always love you.” That was the last time I ever saw Brian. Best birthday gift I could ever receive.

Love you and miss you terribly Brian.

House of Pain, "Jump Around"

Combining the Luck of the Irish and hip-hop was a match made in heaven for Brian. "House of Pain" played my club last night and I can guarantee you Brian would have not only been front row, but next to me in this picture. Jump Up Jump Up and Get Down!

- Craig